Beef Stew

It strikes me, in a nagging sort of way, just how inadequately we express ourselves. In writing, we are limited by what we can say at the time (as the brain runs at one speed but the fingers move at another, much slower speed) and may write multiple paragraphs to get across one point that gets expanded out. How often can we really appreciate that we've said every single thing that could be explored, thought and output on any one matter? Try never.

Take for instance that first paragraph you just read. There are countless ways that I could have expressed my thoughts and a limitless number of things I could have said to try and express just what I wanted to convey. But no matter how well you word something or how adequately you are able to express yourself, there will always be aspects left unsaid - simply because it is impossible to get out there all that is in here.

With that said, I have recently been thinking about God speaking to me, the way that my life is sorting itself out and so many many other things related to this that it would be impossible to list them all, let alone express them in any understandable way. So, my thoughts are my own and I continue to explore entire dialogues, discussions and various outworkings of my thoughts within my own head. Strange? Insane? Well, with this awakening once more of my unique thinking and the fact that I am now, finally, feeding my brain once more, I just can't keep up with myself! No wonder I have a headache... :(

Imagine that I've just talked about being centred, content and am in a lull, as such, whilst maintaining consistent emotions, seamless and complete thoughts on every issue, aspect and entity pertaining to life and all it involves - and you'll scratch the surface of understanding where I am at right now. Ten seconds from now it will be different ^L^

It's not frustration, as such, so much as it's knowing that a lot of thoughts feel as if they are wasted. If I could write down all that came into my head I would - but I will have to be content with saying what is said and expressing what is expressed. No point stressing over imperfections, incoherency and incomplete thoughts. I am where I am and I am saying what I am saying; I think what I think - and so the endless cycle of where, what, how, this, that, then, now: it all spins madly around, each particle bouncing off another that is both like it and unlike it in so very many ways...

Balance. I guess all you can do is your best in finding the balance in any thought, any situation and, in fact, in anything at all. I could drive myself mad with frustration, but instead it's much more calming and, indeed, much happier to just accept that it is and it will be even though it could be and could have been otherwise.

God speaks: we listen but don't always hear. He shows: we look but don't always see. He directs: we step but don't always progress. He guides: we follow but don't always stay close. He asks: we do but not always in the way that He would want us to - but what does it matter? God gave us choice and so how we do things - so long as we know that it is in His strength and not our own; in His wisdom and not our own; and with His blessing - comes down to us. You. Me. Them. We were made in the image of God and it is with gratitude that we receive His peace, mercy and grace in all things.

Coherency? Is there ever? Thoughts are like bullets: sometimes they hit their mark but they always hit something; sometimes they cause damage and sometimes they ricochet once, twice, three times before making an impact; there is power behind them, they move forward and they move faster than we can blink.

I'd have failed in my own strength. That which comes from the Creator is far greater than my foolish mind can comprehend and the power that he imparts to overcome is perfect. The Holy Spirit does so much more than comfort, prompt, convict, and encourage. More than can truly be appreciated or grasped from our inadequate human stance. God loves me. I love God.

Just be.

-Timotheos

ps. The title is a reference to a Strong Bad email where his brain was so shot with thinking that he said the first thing he could think of: beef... stew. It's a good euphemism for expressing your inability to express adequately. Since there are currently over 120 SBemails I couldn't find the right one. Sorry.