Marriage - something I've thought about quite extensively over the years. Obviously it's not something to be taken lightly, though it seems that a lot of people enter such a covenant without a real understanding of what is expected - or what to expect. If both sides don't have a comprehensive understanding of the theory of long-term relationships then it's no wonder so many marriages fall to the wayside. Such failure shows a lack of commitment from the outset and a foundation built on false hopes and expectations. You can't expect to change a person but accepting their faults isn't necessary either. Welcoming changes within changes.
In binding yourself to another person and entering a marital agreement, two become one. Everything, from decisions to experiences, are shared and balanced. Emotional dependence has to be balanced - it's not wrong to have dependence to a degree, but too much will cause insecurity and mistrust. Unless you are secure in your individual relationship with Jesus then there are no grounds for a truly solid foundation for any other sort of relationship.
Life's order of priority is: God; family; others; self. After all, Jesus was the one that gave us this sensible piece of advice. Love God, and love your neighbour as yourself. It wasn't love your self and love your neighbour in the same way. Always in Scripture, the order of things is important. God wisely imparts truths to us by stating what is right and in what order. Like a natural law that governs the universe, such spiritual truths should govern our lives. Neglecting self is plain stupid as well. You should love and care for your self inasmuch as it doesn't compromise anyone else in any way.
The three most important attributes in marriage, I have discerned, are in being wholly faithful, always honest and never manipulating. Recognising and agreeing to this from the start (in the same way that boundaries are set for everyone's protection) would, one would hope, help with forming a solid foundation for growth. Nothing beats experience, however, but it just seems logical to me that while being infatuated with someone you are not going to honestly assess them. Facades are drawn up in the human mind that often form a plaintively biased picture of someone, based on an increase in pheremone levels and synapses in the brain firing in such a way that intellectually it becomes difficult to determine just what the situation beholds. Aligning heart and mind becomes impossible unless you reframe* and objectively view the relationship.
*In human behaviour: The ability to reframe is standing back from a situation or problem and seeing the bigger picture; seeing problems in a wider context.
*In mediation: Reframing is the process of changing the way a thought is presented so that it maintains its fundamental meaning but is more likely to support resolution efforts.
It pays to purposefully put in place a perimeter of preventative procedures rather than risk a regalia of regret and remorse, requiring repentance, reconciliation and recovery.
But what do I know? It's all theory to this writer ^L^
-Timotheos
It shall be
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